Rant
by Moona-Lovegood
Summary: I go on a rant about a certain villian. SPOILERS from #2, #9, and #20. Oneshot


**Moona: SPOILERS (!!!) FROM SEVEN SHIPS****, DANGER ON DECEPTION ISLAND AND STAY TUNED FOR DANGER! Alrighty, now that is out of the way, let me say that I didn't really put a lot of effort into this, so please don't judge my writing on this alone. I'm open to reviews so tell me if you thought it was even remotely funny. For all of the DP fans out there.**

Rant

Nancy and I stood in the small clearing with 'Johnny'. Nancy had just persuaded him into taking the map, which I thought was not the smartest move, but given the circumstances, we didn't have much choice. As Johnny tucked the treasure away, he turned to face us two again.

"And now that I've done everything you wanted, I want you to do something for me."

Nancy, being a goody-two-shoe as always, took up the request right away; not stopping to consider that there was an increasingly foreboding feeling in the air.

"Sure," Nancy replied. "What do you want?"

"Just watch." With those two words, Johnny stood up and tore off his blue bandanna and what was revealed to be a fake beard. I gasped in surprise as the culprit spoke.

"Remember me, Nancy?"

"Oh my gosh!" I suddenly interrupted. "Andy?!?"

The culprit turned to me, completely puzzled. "Who on earth is Andy?"  
Realizing I was mistaken, I blushed furiously. Nancy was slightly quicker on the uptake, and once again placed herself into the conversation.

"Oh my gosh!" Nancy exclaimed. "You're… that guy from New York. The one who threatened the life of Rick Arlen. You're the agent! David…? No. Daniel? Darren? Darwin. Derek? Dewey? Dick. Drake-"

Of course, as soon as Nancy said 'New York' I immediately knew who it was, but the reappearance of my favourite villain left me momentarily speechless with glee. However, upon hearing Nancy totally mutilate his amazing name, I couldn't contain my frustration, and at the same time, both the culprit and I spoke.

"Dwayne you idiot! Dwayne Powers!"

The identical sentences confused Dwayne for a moment, but I was too busy reliving the plot from Stay Tuned For Danger to care. It was my favourite case in the series, and I thought Dwayne was the best villain ever to be exposed.

As I went off into flashback mode, Dwayne recovered from his temporary confusion and began to walk menacingly towards Nancy and me.

"Dwayne Powers, right!" Nancy announced, finally catching on. "I thought you went to prison."

"I did," replied Dwayne. "For several long years. But they were well spent. You see, one of the men who worked at the monkey research center here did volunteer work at the prison after he retired. We got to be friends. Good friends."

This all seemed a little far-fetched to me. The last time I saw Dwayne, he was half-insane, insisting that real life is a soap opera. The notion that someone like that could easily make friends was a little… overreaching. Still, I listened to the rest of his explanation.

"Such good friends that he gave me a book the monkeys had found somewhere here on the island. He was sure it would lead to Cibola, one of the fabled Lost Cities of Gold. But he couldn't decode it. Nor could I... And then it hit me. A way to find El Toro's treasure, and get back at the teenage snoop who ruined my life."

I was about to interject with questions of my own, but Nancy beat me to it.

"You buried El Toro's book on the beach, then lured us here, kidnapped Bess, and left me those directions so I could dig it up, decode it, and find the treasure for you. And those clues I found suggesting the Gibsons were the kidnappers – you planted them to throw me off track."

"Yes! It was all sheer genius!"

Hearing Dwayne proclaim his own superiority made him sound more like himself again. The story made sense, but then…

"I was an up and coming actor before you came along, did you know that?"

Dwayne's question directed at Nancy completely boggled my mind. No longer able to keep quiet, I interrupted.

"But Dwayne, that's not true!" Mr. Powers turned towards me in confusion, as did Nancy.

"Your motive to dispose of Rick was revenge, not personal gain such as an actor vacancy. Sure, you have acting skills, but your job was as an agent. Once you got rid of Rick, you would have surely went to Mattie so that you could be with her. You would have kept your role as an agent to get close to Mattie and loved her! That was the motivation!"

My increasingly dramatic rant continued to leave Dwayne and Nancy speechless. Little did they know that they had unleashed a fan girl upon the premises, and they were about to feel her fan girl wrath. "And another thing!" I almost yelled. "Why is your voice higher pitched? I know it's been a while since I saw you, but your voice was _way _deeper when you were in New York! That's not natural! And you almost look younger! Your facial features are different and you are much more sane than when you went to prison!"

By this time, I was in full rant mode, leaving Dwayne and Nancy cowering before my might.

"There is only one conclusion to be made!" I announced dramatically. "You are not Dwayne! You are a hopeless imposter! You are not even close to Owen Spayder! Shame on you for stealing the identity of the best villain to have ever dealt with Nancy!"

Infuriated, I grabbed Nancy by the hand and led her away. "Come on, Nancy, we're leaving!" Stuttering randomly, Nancy stumbled behind me as we left a very confused Dwayne behind on the sand.


End file.
